The Sandwich Generation

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By Rebecca Teti

Weekends: Changing Roles -- the needs of the sandwich generation

(Join each day’s Coffee Talk discussion: Mon: Parenting; Tues: Open Forum; Wed: NFP; Thu: Marriage; Fri: Education; Sat/Sun: Changing Roles)

Our weekend forum is for issues related to "the sandwich generation." Coping with menopause, caring for aging parents, relations with adult children, grandchildren, going back to work after years at home. Want to hash out a difficulty, get some advice or share a strategy?


This is the place! Come join the conversation!

Rebecca Teti


  • I suspect that menopause might be around the corner for me. I'm a little young for it, but my mother went through it young (she was done at 46), and I've heard that it's hereditary, and that it will happen even sooner for women like me who have never had a fullterm birth. (And perimenopause would certainly explain my difficulties with conceiving and carrying to term.) Anyway, my periods are very frequent, about 22 days apart, and my most recent symptom that's driving me crazy is getting overheated at night. Not the classic night sweats that I've read about, but just being really hot in bed. I kick off the covers and get cold, pull them back up and I'm hot. And my husband feels like a furnace lying next to me. It does not make for a very restful night. I usually do okay for the first part of the night, but from 1 am on it's constant tossing and turning. Does anyone have any experience with this?

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 5:14 AM by Claire S

  • Me, too. Claire. I"m only 42 and have those same symptoms at night and during the day. I don't get sudden hot flashes, but will feel hot for a wile then very cold. The only difference is that my periods are getting further apart. Can anyone recommend a book about perimenopause?

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 7:04 AM by CC

  • I have the same thing happening at night and have for a few years. I will be turning 45 in a couple weeks. My husband likes to cuddle, and his body heat does feel like a furnace. I would be curious to see if anyone recommends a book.

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 9:24 AM by Kim O.

  • I have not read this book myself, but I've heard many great things about it. Couldn't remember the title, but found it through Couple to Couple League's website: "What you Doctor may NOT tell you about Menopause", by Dr. John Lee. Hope that's helpful!

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 11:21 AM by Mary Therese

  • I thought one of Christiane Northrup's books dealt heavily with perimenopause, but I can't remember which one. I just remember seeing her on a television show and there being a pretty big discussion about it in terms of one of her books. I hope that helps some.

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 11:33 AM by J

  • Thanks for all the responses! I was beginning to think I was getting old before my time, so it's nice to know that there are others going through the same thing! My mother never talked much about her menopause, and claims that she had very few symptoms. And, she sometimes makes fun of people who go on and on about menopausal symptoms. So it's a hard topic for me to talk about. I probably wouldn't buy anything by Christine Northrup because she is pro-abortion, among other things. But I wouldn't be opposed to reading one if I stumbled across it! I will also keep the Dr. Lee book in mind. Thanks everyone! P.S. I wish my cycles were getting longer instead of shorter! I heard that it can go either way in perimenopause. One time I did have a 35 day cycle, which has never happened to me before except for the two times that I was pregnant (but I knew I wasn't pregnant, because I can just tell). So I was hoping that was the beginning of longer cycles for me, but the following month I was back to my typical 22 days!

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 12:17 PM by Claire S

  • I am 53, and am not yet "done" with peri- menopause. I have been having symptoms like you speak of for the last 10 years, Claire. It takes 10-12 years, is what my GYN told me. I have used natural supplements and diet and exercise to ease my symptoms, and they have helped tremendously.

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 5:57 PM by Joan

  • Re: Christine NOrthrup: She does have some good ideas, but in her book about Menopause, she had some pretty kooky ideas about relationships etc. I got rid of all her books after I started reading that one. Not at all in line with Catholic teachings.

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 6:01 PM by Joan

  • My shortened cycles have been going on for around 10 years (they started out at 26, then kept getting shorter). The heated nighttime sessions are recent, though. But my mother's last cycle was at age 46, so I think my days are probably numbered if I follow in her footsteps (which is pretty common, from what I understand). I did start an exercise program this month which I love, and I am hoping that will help. What kids of dietary tactics did you implement to ease the symptoms?

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 7:31 PM by Claire S

  • Hi Claire. I am 49 and I am now starting to get some perimenopausal symptoms like my periods a little closer together with some small clots. Same length of period though (8 days). I get hot and cold at night also but it might be because of our kooky furnace. I keep pulling the covers off and on also. I get a lot of heart palpitations more often also. It's a very scarey thought that this process might take 15 years!

    Posted on Jan 27th, 2013 at 9:27 PM by Monica (momof2)

  • Hi Monica! Yes, 15 years sounds very daunting! While early menopause doesn't thrill me, I do appreciate the fact that I am already several years into the process, so hopefully it won't be too much longer till I get to my "new normal".

    Posted on Jan 28th, 2013 at 9:55 AM by Claire S

  • I too am on the brink of menopause -- I recently ran across "Women of the 14th Moon," a book of essays and poetry about the change of life. I've found it very uplifting, in spite of the occasional 70s style feminist rants, and have enjoyed reading it. I'm still looking for a good medical/health book on this topic.

    Posted on Jan 28th, 2013 at 12:28 PM by Anne in NC

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