What's On Your Heart Today?

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By Rebecca Teti

Tuesday: Open Forum

(Join each day’s Coffee Talk discussion: Mon: Parenting; Tues: Open Forum; Wed: NFP; Thu: Marriage; Fri: Education; Sat/Sun: Changing Roles)

This is the Open Forum Coffee Talk. That means ... anything goes. Ask a question, make a suggestion, share a story, offer some advice -- the floor is yours!

Rebecca Teti


  • On my heart today? Well..my husband's grandparents who are in their late 80s had a burglary on Sunday while they were out to dinner. We are so thankful they were not home but so disheartening. They live in a nice suburb in OH, they have the same routine every day. 2 computers & their phone were stolen, door was also broken. It's Christmas, their kind elderly folks who don't have luxury items....why would they be targeted? Someone had to have been watching & know their routine--so is it a neighbor? We just need to pray to not be angry & feel grateful. Gratefult that they were not harmed & are well.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 7:16 AM by unknown

  • On a happier note this Friday I am attending an ordination of Deacon Marty Flynn to become a Priest, in Marquette, MI. I have never been nor do I know what to expect. I'm very excited to be attending such a momentous occasion. Are gifts given/expected?

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 7:21 AM by Avk

  • Hi everyone. I'm looking for some good advice. I have a 6 month old who is not the best sleeper. I am breastfeeding him, and he sleeps in a crib in our room because he is the youngest of six, and we have nowhere else for him until he sleeps thru the night. He usually goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. Then he wakes up sometime before midnight, around 1-2 am, around 4 am, and then sometimes again at 6. So that is 3-4 times every night. I know he doesnt need to nurse, but i feed him each time because otherwise i just lay there awake, and if i feed him he goes right back to sleep. I am pooped. I stay at home but still need to get up by 6:30 to help older kids get ready for school. Our older kids went in their own room by this age so I didn't hear every little noise but we have no more room for this little guy:)

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 7:22 AM by Sarah

  • Avk - When a friend of mine was ordained, he mentioned that A LOT of people gave him religious items--crosses, Bibles, prayer books, etc.--which he found odd, because as a seminarian (and now priest) he already had a lot of that stuff. If you know him well, I would choose a gift that you might give for any other celebratory occasion and not worry if it's religiously themed. If not, I'm sure a gift card to Amazon or Target or something would be much appreciated. And, of course, you can't go wrong with having a Mass said! Having said all of that, though, I don't think a gift is necessary. It really depends on how well you know him.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 8:13 AM by MR

  • Avk- I re-read your question and think I may have jumped the gun on my response! Many people will give gifts (especially if they know the new priest well), but I don't think they're expected. At the reception there will probably be a gift table (like at a wedding reception), in case you choose to give something. If you don't give a gift, I think a card with a personal note or letter would be perfectly appropriate.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 8:36 AM by MR

  • to Avk--I have attended many ordinations. No--no gift is "expected", but yes, as MR said, there will probably be a gift table. We have been on both ends of this. For priests who were merely aquaintances, we usually just gave a card, maybe a spiritual bouquet. For those we have known well, believe it or not, many now have "registries" at local Catholic gift/book stores. We found that helpful, and did get one good friend a specific Latin missal that he had requested along with the card/spiritual bouquet. On a side note, if you are able to attend his "First Mass", which is usually the next day--you can receive a plenary indulgence (under the usual conditions--confession, prayers for the Pope). That's an added blessing!

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 9:01 AM by Mary Therese

  • Thank you very much MR and Mary Therese. I never thought about getting a non-religious gift but that makes a lot of sense that they would receive so many in seminary. Thats actually kind of a funny though then...:) A mass said in his honor, Amazon gift card within a personal card sounds like a perfect idea. That way if he wants another bible or needs a pair of mittens he can chose. Thank you again.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 10:08 AM by Avk

  • Sarah, is there ANY way you can rearrange rooms so that the little one can be out of your room?? Even it's for a couple nights or your older kids go to a sleepover or even sleep in the same room (make it a fun "camping" adventure in their room) Pack n play in the dining room or living room with a baby monitor set up? You need sleep! It will make you happy, baby happy, family/home happy. Hang in there...although you have other kiddos so I don't need to tell you it will get better because you have done this before & know firsthand. :)

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 10:17 AM by Avk

  • @Sarah, I know it's not for everyone, but could you just put baby in bed with you (with a railing or something so he doesn't fall out)? That has worked well for me since I'll half wake up to start feeding baby, but fall back asleep before he's done. Way less taxing for me!

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 10:30 AM by Anna

  • Sarah: I am going to assume that co-sleeping isn't something you are interested in (I figure by baby #6, you know what works and what doesn't for your family:). It doesn't work well for us, either. I think if you are looking to eliminate any and all night feeding, try moving some kids out of their bedroom for a week or so. Let them camp out in your room (or wherever works for you) and put the baby in there. If you just want to cut down on the number of feedings, could you sleep on the couch for a few nights? You could come up and feed when needed, husband could calm baby down (or baby cries) when it isn't feeding time. This would be especially good if you are now feeding the baby when he starts making noises that you might otherwise ignore if he was in another room (and would have fallen back asleep on his own). Also, look at his whole sleep schedule. Babies tend to sleep better at night if they are also napping well during the day. If your baby tends to snatch naps in the car or just get them when you happen to be home (understandable being the sixth child) try focusing on getting him good naps for a week or so and see if that improves things.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 11:24 AM by Andrea

  • Sarah, We had friends in a simliar situation. They had a very large walking in closet in their bedroom. They set their portal crib up in the closet and baby slept in there with the door closed. This way they didn't hear all the noises but still heard the baby when he was truly hungry. I like the others ideas of letting your kids camp out for a week. Christmas break is coming so perhaps that would be a good time to try it

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 11:36 AM by Jenny

  • Thanks for the suggestions. We have an unusual sleep setup here with 3 small bedrooms and 6 kids. We have always liked the baby to have own room because usually we end up waking less this way. So right now we have oldest 4(2 boys and 2 girls) in 2 sets of bunk beds in one room and 2.5 year old in crib in her own room with baby in our room in crib. This way 2.5 year old can go to bed earlier and sleep in later. We always planned to just switch the 2 youngest and move baby in his own room for awhile. We tried this one night and baby almost acted "scared". He woke up same amount and was really crying so I still had to get up and feed him. Plus the 2.5 year old got up earlier too. I do suspect some of this could get better with more regular daytime sleep. Right now he basically naps when nothing else will make him happy. So some days he may have morning, afternoon, and evening naps and then some days one long afternoon nap. He also usually sleeps in till 9 or so which is probably bad too but I cherish quiet morning time since kids usually stay up as long as I do at night.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 11:47 AM by Sarah

  • I just need some support. Maybe I should wait until NFP day tomorrow, but I've been waiting long enough to have these forums back! We use Creighton, I have PCOS and loooong cycles, and we use yellow stamps, but they only seem to buy us an extra couple of days at either end of my cycle. In the middle, there are weeks and weeks of fertile mucus, and abstaining is just getting so unsustainable. It feels like we're being punished for trying to do the right thing. If we were using contraception, we could have a relationship like normal people! Last month, we decided maybe we weren't that serious about avoiding, and decided to just go for it . . . 2 days later, my husband lost his job, so now we're back to being serious. I would LOVE to be in a position to stop avoiding right now, but we're going to be burning through our savings as it is. (And of course, the flip side of PCOS is that it may well make it difficult to conceive as well, I can't help but worry that when the time comes, we'll just be trading one difficulty for another.) It just seems like God can't actually want us to be practically celibate, but our only other option is risking conceiving a child we absolutely cannot afford.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 11:47 AM by Kathleen

  • What is PCOS?

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 12:01 PM by Avk

  • I think you should set your mind at ease by maybe talking with your priest? We spoke openly with our family friend & Priest & prayed hard about it. We made what feel was in our best interest....and what we feel God is supportive of as his presence is so prominent in our lives.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 12:05 PM by Avk

  • Maybe try Marquette? Since you already use Creighton, I'll guess that you know about metformin and such for PCOS and that hasn't helped with the odd cycles. Or would using a temp cross-check help? I know people who use Creighton, but who add in the temps as their mucus sign was so hard to interpret. Prayers for you as you carry your cross!

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 1:24 PM by Anna

  • Sorry, mine was for Kathleen. I miss the "reply" button! @Avk, PCOS = polycystic ovary syndrome

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 1:25 PM by A

  • My kids are getting older and no longer always want to do the traditional crafts, baking, decorating, performances etc. that i always plan for our homeschooling family. This is sad in a way since I see their childhood slipping away quickly but to be very honest, I am getting older too and it's kind of exhausting to have to have to do all these activities (not just Christmas but other holidays and feast days) all the time.. I kind of look forward to clearing out all the toys and crafts which clog every inch of our small home but then I worry I will be sorry later if I don't prolong it as long as possible. What about you ladies? Is all the activity fun for you or do you secretly look forward to the end of it and relaxing a bit.

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 8:41 PM by Monica (momof2)

  • Kathleen- hugs! Waiting is always frustrating. We started Creighton ttc, and found ourselves back in the abstain a cycle to learn... then later wait through an entire cycle (just our luck-a nice looong one) to see if medication could be properly timed. My husband asked where something was and I told him "in the panty" instead of "in the pantry." Something about abstaining just puts sex on your mind all the time- argh! On a more practical (and possibly anecdotal) note, after starting a paleo/primal type diet (avoid processed food, artifical sweeteners/flavorings, grains, sugar, potatoes, corn, soy, and beans- eat meat, seafood, nuts, veggies and fruit), my pcos wonky cycles became much more regular (the past 6 cycles fit on one line in the chart-yay!) I had awful diarrhea on metformin (although I've heard good things from the folks who try the extended release.) I am a "continuous mucus producer", and rarely have a non 10 type days. I saw a fertility care practitioner who said he could treat the cervical ectropion that is probably the cause of all the mucus, but I chose not to. You may want to look into that. If I knew how much trouble we would have ttc (9 years of "trying" with only one child), I would have told my younger self to stop worrying about trying to avoid, but there have been lessons learned and windows opened with the path we took. Prayers for your husband to find employment and for you both to make it through the waiting!

    Posted on Dec 11th, 2012 at 9:59 PM by Anne

  • @ Sarah: wow, your little one sounds like SUCH a "normal" baby! I can't imagine waking up less often with a 6 month old. I am amazed & impressed if you have worked things differently with your older kids!! My son who "only" gets me out of bed four times per night (and he's 13 months now!) is my "easy" one!! I don't mean to be discouraging. But maybe you have been blessed with really easy kids up till now?? I just figure in 18 months of severe sleep deprivation after each birth. I had no idea it could be different...

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 2:56 AM by jen

  • Sarah, most babies at 6 months still need to wake up twice to nurse. Can you put a pack in play or move the crib into the living room?

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 6:34 AM by MMH

  • Jen- that's kind of funny you say that because it seems everyone I talk to has their babies sleeping through the night right away. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. My last 2 kids went through this same kind of thing at this age( I think it has something to do with teeth:) but they were in different rooms so I didn't wake up to every little noise. Last night he only woke up at 11 and 4 so I am keeping my fingers crossed:)

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 6:54 AM by Sarah

  • @ Monica, I've never been a crafty mom and I loathe mess and disorder. That with piercing screams, general mayhem, flour disasters, all of that would have sent me to the bottle. I basically shut down all arts and crafts in my house at a certain point. That's what school is for. So to answer your question, I have never looked back and wished we could do more arts and crafts together at all. Now we love going on road trips and traveling. No mess, no glue, no glitter stuck to walls. I'm in heaven.

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 8:40 AM by Jennifer

  • Hi Monica! I don't know if you'll see this, since you posted a day ago and there's no email notification of follow-up comments. But I'll respond just in case. Like Jennifer, I don't do as many crafts with my son as I used to before he started preschool. And even before preschool, the majority of our crafts were done outside the home (like at Story Hour, the Community Center, etc). So in my situation, crafts at home are at a manageable level. We also don't do a huge amount of baking, due to my son's allergies. So that's at a manageable level, too. I do anticipate being very sad when he outgrows these activities. Which is not to say that the hassle factor of these activities escapes me, because it does get on my nerves to an extent. But the for me, the fun of the activities outweighs the hassle, probably because we don't overdo it.

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 9:00 AM by Claire

  • Jennifer I am glad to know it isn't just me because I almost feel guilty about wanting to move on. Claire, Preschool has plenty of crafts so it's nice to leave it all there. I thought the fun outweighed the hassle for a long time but I guess now it just seems like stuff I have to do. Probably part of that is there isn't much enthusiasm from the kids and that rubs off on me and part of it is I am just slowing down. I'll be curious to hear how things change (or stay the same) as your son gets older.

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 12:41 PM by Monica (momof2)

  • I'm scaling back as each year goes by. No more crafts/baking/busy-work for me either...and I'm thrilled. I don't even think I'm going to send Christmas cards this year. I skipped a year about 4 years ago and no one even remembers, so why did I do all that hand-writing, card & stamp buying? It just doesn't interest me any more and that matters, or, at least, it should. Did you ever notice that when something is pestering your mind to do, try or accomplish something, the default thought is: is the Lord is prompting me? Well, I finally realized that disinterest or even a outright rejection of something can be the very same God asking you to let some things go. My kids are older; they're all getting a couple small things in their stocking and a check. This makes everybody happy. Peaceful, calmer, more rested, more collected...yeah, I'm going in the right direction.

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 1:38 PM by Kitty

  • Hi Monica, yes it will be interesting to see if I feel differently in a few years. I suspect that seeing my son lose enthusiasm for these things probably will play a role (I'll probably be sad about that because he's the type of kid who gets excited about things really easily, and I love that about him). But I also think that with me, another factor is that I only have one child. If I had two or more kids, or if I homeschooled and had to do more crafts and baking than I do right now, maybe I would tire of it quicker. So, we'll see how I feel in a few more years!

    Posted on Dec 12th, 2012 at 2:27 PM by Claire

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