From the Heart

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By Curt Arens

February is a time for romance. But farmers like myself, are not normally very expressive when it comes to celebrating the tradition of St. Valentine. Farmers are more practical. They might turn to their wives on the morning of Valentine’s Day, gaze longingly and whisper sweet nothings – like, “You gonna get up and help me with chores or what?”

Some farmers probably don’t “do” Valentine’s Day. And even when we try to be our romantic selves on this special day of love, we often miss the mark. So, I have under good advisement from my own wife that there are some gifts that might sound good to a farmer, but should probably be avoided like the plague.

Duct tape is such a useful item, but a farm wife would probably appreciate a nice card with a personal message much more.
A brand new pliers and holster would seem like the perfect gift because it is so versatile in its possibilities on the farm, yet a farm wife would probably rather have a box of chocolates.
Of course nothing says, “I love you” in my mind quite like a beautiful, shiny, sparkling, expensive, handcrafted, silver-colored new scoop shovel, especially with the harsh winter most of the nation has been enduring, but I guess you might be sending the wrong message. Stick to the shiny jewelry instead.
A night out on the town sounds nice, but my wife says to make it special, the farmer should actually shave and shower, you know, whether he needs it or not. He might consider taking his wife to a fancy restaurant and actually go inside and sit down, instead of going through the drive-through window on your way to the farm machinery parts store like usual.

Seriously, on the farm, a spouse is a lifeline. A spouse is not only the farmer’s best friend, they are also a helper when a baby calf needs assistance in the middle of the night to be born. They are the only person a farmer can have coffee with in the early morning hours, and be able to talk candidly about financial difficulties in paying the bills, or laugh with about the antics of their children. They are the first person a farmer wants to see in the morning and the last person they want to talk with before they go to sleep. They are everything in the grand partnership that is a farm couple.

Certainly, the same could be said for all married couples, but on the farm, the independent spirit of the family farm is generated from the total dependence and tight bonds between married couples.

I vividly recall the day my wife and I were engaged to marry. My parish priest gave us the best advice. He said, “Don’t worry so much about the wedding. Spend your time planning for the marriage.”

We should probably take the lead from champion lovers from our community that had been married for seven decades before they both passed away recently.

There were not scores of bridesmaids or groomsmen, nor was there a fancy wedding dress, decorations, or a big reception on the cold February day when they were married at a tiny parish schoolhouse, because it was easier to heat than the church.

But a cold, humble wedding with only the parish priest and a few witnesses, family and friends, did nothing to cool their commitment to each other and their farm. Working together through the Great Depression and several severe droughts, they farmed together, raised their family, endured hardships and kept a sense of humor.

Marriage has taken a beating these days, and even champion lovers agree that it is a falsehood that wedded bliss comes easy. It takes work and commitment that is renewed each and every day. My wife loves me, even when I’m grumpy because things are going wrong out in the farmyard and in the fields, as they do each day. She loves me even when I’m not very loveable, and I do my best to return the favor.

So, honoring St. Valentine’s Day on the farm this year, I told my wife exactly what she means to me and how much I truly respect her, admire her and love her. On the farm, she is my wife and my teammate. And I skipped my inclination to buy her a scoop shovel, even though we really needed a new one, and I went with the box of chocolates. St. Valentine would probably approve.

Curt Arens

First and foremost, Curt Arens is husband to his wife Donna and Dad to his children, Lauren, Taylor and Zac. He is a fourth generation family farmer, veteran farm journalist and Catholic author. His latest books are "Down to Earth: Celebrating a Blessed Life on the Land," and "A Year with Farm to Family: A Journal of Rural Life." Read more of Curt's stuff at www.downtoearthbooks.com.

Comments

I bet your wife was thrilled with your Valentine's gesture. And I'm impressed you resisted the temptation to buy the shovel! :) A beaultiful reflection on marriage.

Posted on Feb 25th, 2010 at 6:10 PM by Colleen Duggan
You are a lucky couple - to have each other.

Posted on Feb 26th, 2010 at 4:32 PM by unknown
Curt, you're a good husband! I don't know of any higher compliment!

Posted on Feb 27th, 2010 at 10:52 AM by Connie Clark