It's Parenting Monday!

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By Rebecca Teti


Monday: Parenting

(Join each day’s Coffee Talk discussion: Mon: Parenting; Tues: Open Forum; Wed: NFP; Thu: Marriage; Fri: Education; Sat/Sun: Changing Roles)

Terrible toddlers? Trying teens? Something in between? This weekly forum is the spot to share your questions and struggles about all things related to parenthood.

Please join us!

Rebecca Teti

Comments

  • The fighting between the kids is crazy lately. I have a tween, 10, and 8 year old that just won't quit. Any suggestions?

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 10:41 AM by unknown

  • Good Morning! One of my closest, long-time friends just emailed me to tell me that she is going to be a surrogate mother. She has completed all of the background checks, health checks, and has already skyped with the couple that she is going to work with. I am assuming that within the next few months she will have their embryo placed in her uterus. The actual mother's uterus was somehow damaged by the military (I have no idea what that means). Anyhow, my friend is not Catholic. I know that she wants to do this to bring the joy of motherhood to another woman. I know that she wants to do this from the goodness and love of her own heart. With that in mind, how do I speak with her about this? I am absolutely in-line with the church's teachings regarding human dignity. I cannot congratulate her. I cannot tell her that I am supportive. I suppose that I can just simply tell her that I will pray for her and the other couple, but I my prayer is that the Lord's will is done. What the heck would you do? This friend is agnostic, but has been a wonderful friend since childhood. Although she is a wonderful woman, I doubt that her heart is open to being evangelized. So, what do I do? What would you do?

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 11:06 AM by Holly

  • Holly, Wow, that's hard. Can you say something like I believe we are here on Earth to help each other and I applaud your desire to do that, although you know I can't agree with your methods. ?? I really don't know what I would say. Good luck with this. Pray for wisdom before you say anything.

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 12:48 PM by Anne in NC

  • Holly, that is a hard one! Maybe point her in the direction of the TEDTalk about prenatal learning as a way to open the conversation? (I forget the exact title, but I found it linked on Crisis Magazine's site.) Perhaps she wouldn't be open to hearing the idea that her own body isn't a commodity to be purchased for a sort of "time-share" like this, but the idea that this is not ideal for the child - to be either given a first-nine-months with someone who refuses all emotional connection or to be given that love and familiarity (newborns recognize their birth mother's voice immediately) and then be taken from that (by *design*, not sad necessity as happens with traditional adoption) - might be a way to show that surrogacy, while charitably meant, is not in the best interests of the child. hth!

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 2:29 PM by Anna

  • Thanks for your input Anne and Anna. Those Ted Talks are quite thought provoking. Wow. I am praying for Wisdom. I don't know how to approach this.

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 3:23 PM by Holly

  • Unknown, I am going through the same thing with a 12 (almost 13), 10 and 7 (the 4 yr. old doesn't really get involved). I sat them down yesterday and told them flat out that they will decide how our Summer is going to go. We have family memberships to the zoo, a science museum and the aquarium. We live close enough to the beach for day trips. I was very clear that I had no intention of taking them anywhere if all I could expect was constant bickering and fighting the whole day. I let them know it was no fun for me to be with them when they behaved this way, and I was not going to put in the extra effort for these trips they hoped to take if their behavior did not change. I really think they are old enough to hear this. Can't tell you if it has worked yet, but I am hoping (and yes, praying) that it will make a little difference. Know that there are others of us out here going through this too, and prayers for you.

    Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 at 5:48 PM by Danielle M.

  • Unknown- I sooooo understand your frustration. My 3 oldest are 11, 10, and 7, and the fighting makes me crazy. I sometimes wonder if the gender comes into play as our oldest is a boy and seems to constantly bother the 2 younger girls. Our oldest girl (10) also likes to play Miss Perfect and this causes a lot of fights because it annoys the others. If there is a good solution to this, I would love to hear it. I can't seem to figure it out either.

    Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 at 7:18 AM by Sarah

  • Holly, I would probably do what I do with my neighbors and acquaintances and just say early on that due to the precepts of my religion I don't agree with X, Y or Z. That way I take it out of the personal realm so she doesn't take it personally. To further the point that it's not personal I try to say something positive about them like I can understand why they would want to do X, Y or Z. Knowing from the outset where I stand they usually avoid discussing the issue and so they don't expect affirmation in that area. If they do bring it up again then I feel they are looking for answers and I can more freely engage in some evangelization.

    Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 at 8:45 AM by Monica (momof2)

  • Holly, I would probably do what I do with my neighbors and acquaintances and just say early on that due to the precepts of my religion I don't agree with X, Y or Z. That way I take it out of the personal realm so she doesn't take it personally. To further the point that it's not personal I try to say something positive about them like I can understand why they would want to do X, Y or Z. Knowing from the outset where I stand they usually avoid discussing the issue and so they don't expect affirmation in that area. If they do bring it up again then I feel they are looking for answers and I can more freely engage in some evangelization.

    Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 at 8:45 AM by Monica (momof2)

  • Holly, I would probably do what I do with my neighbors and acquaintances and just say early on that due to the precepts of my religion I don't agree with X, Y or Z. That way I take it out of the personal realm so she doesn't take it personally. To further the point that it's not personal I try to say something positive about them like I can understand why they would want to do X, Y or Z. Knowing from the outset where I stand they usually avoid discussing the issue and so they don't expect affirmation in that area. If they do bring it up again then I feel they are looking for answers and I can more freely engage in some evangelization.

    Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 at 8:45 AM by Monica (momof2)