Toddler, Teen & In-Between

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By Rebecca Teti


Monday: Parenting

(Join each day’s Coffee Talk discussion: Mon: Parenting; Tues: Open Forum; Wed: NFP; Thu: Marriage; Fri: Education; Sat/Sun: Changing Roles)

Terrible toddlers? Trying teens? Something in between? This weekly forum is the spot to share your questions and struggles about all things related to parenthood.

Please join us!

Rebecca Teti

Comments

  • Morning, all! How do you encourage your kids--especially older ones--to go to Confession?

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 6:22 AM by Scott in OH

  • My husband recently told me he feels "overextended" at home. I am furious!!! He does NOTHING towards our bedtime routine, has no consistent quality time with the kids beyond taking the baby to the grocery store with him once a week (beyond this, its just whenever he feels like it; he says it drains him to schedule these things). We do one family activity per weekend and I do ALL the kid-care and cleanup. But he says he can't wait for Monday to get here! The kids are starting to sense his apathy towards them. They talk to him but he's holding a journal from work in his hands and half-reading/half-listening. Its so RUDE!!! I am so MAD!! Hubs does a great job supporting us with his paycheck, but its like he ONLY expects himself to "be a paycheck." How can I get him to see his kids need more than his money? (He always plays the "I'm drained" card. Even after I consistenly let him nap for THREE HOURS both Sat. and Sun.!) What is going on?!?! Does he just hate kids???

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 7:02 AM by unknown

  • @ Scott--only one of my seven is old enough to go but he is really self-motivated for confession. My plan for the others is to set a schedule where we all go to confession at the same time: i.e. every 3rd Saturday we all go to church for confession. It seems like the families that do this have a good result.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 8:04 AM by Lisa

  • @Scott- I bribe them with food. Lol. Adults also have a hard time going to confession, it's not just kids. Don't make them or shame them into it. Be a good example of how going to confession helps you. Also, it might help them feel more comfortable going if they go to a penance service where there is more then one priest, kids and adults sometimes feel better going to a priest they don't know. @unknown- How old are your kids? Try doing activities away from home as a family. Go to the park or Zoo maybe, this way their are no distractions like T.V., computer, or work. Play catch or shoot baskets (play pig) together. Make it a pleasant experience for all. Outdoors activities are good for kids and adults. Nature has a calming effect and helps everyones well being.Have him spend one on one time with each child, it's important to take turns doing this and keep track of whose turn it is. Go by age, oldest to youngest.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 8:15 AM by Michele

  • @Scott- I bribe them with food. Lol. Adults also have a hard time going to confession, it's not just kids. Don't make them or shame them into it. Be a good example of how going to confession helps you. Also, it might help them feel more comfortable going if they go to a penance service where there is more then one priest, kids and adults sometimes feel better going to a priest they don't know. @unknown- How old are your kids? Try doing activities away from home as a family. Go to the park or Zoo maybe, this way their are no distractions like T.V., computer, or work. Play catch or shoot baskets (play pig) together. Make it a pleasant experience for all. Outdoors activities are good for kids and adults. Nature has a calming effect and helps everyones well being.Have him spend one on one time with each child, it's important to take turns doing this and keep track of whose turn it is. Go by age, oldest to youngest.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 8:15 AM by Michele

  • Unknown- I am so sorry. Could he have some depression or low testosterone? I honestly don't know how you would encourage him to seek help or treatment. I will pray for you b/c I don't know what to suggest. Caring in Florida- your post is kind of mean, not very caring. Prayers for you, too.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 9:39 AM by jimbo

  • Unknown - Here is a thought. I don't know if it applies to your situation or not, but this was my experience. In the past I tended to want help from my husband, but when he tried to help it wasn't "my way" and I would then let him know what he did wrong and/or do it again my way. This led him to not want to help anymore because he "did it wrong anyway". It was a process that took some time for me, but as I learned to realize and accept that we are different and my way is not the only way, he got involved and helped more. Also, when he does do something for you or the kids, thank him, and remind the kids to thank him and let them know how much they like to spend time with him. Appreciation can be a good motivator. Prayers for you and your family!

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 9:53 AM by Anon

  • @ Jeanne: I NEVER nag him. Ever. @ Michelle: my kids are 4 and under.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 9:56 AM by unknown

  • @unknown- I didn't see how many, so I will assume 2- 3 kids. Those can be tough years with kids. Hard for some spouses to engage with the kids. You have him take turns with each one while you are taking care of the other(s). Maybe see if he'll read a bedtime story to them, each one if in different rooms. This is good even for the baby. Have these be story books with pictures, word content depends on age of child. When he's doing this it will give you a chance to get the other(s) ready for bed. Go for walks with stroller and baby pack if possible, take turns. Involve him in the decisions of what clothes the kids are going to wear, toys and books to buy them and games to play. Husbands sometimes feel left out or that it's not there place to be involved in decisions when the kids are young. Remember they are part of him also so help them to have a like things your husband likes so he feels like a part of the kids. He will see how much more relaxed you are when he becomes more involved. Also, when he comes home have the kids and you be ready to greet him. Ask him how his day was but don't get upset if doesn't ask you. Have the kids one at a time tell him something they did or learned that day. Have your home be a sanctuary for him. Let him have some down time after you all greet him. Involve him in their lives gently and gradually. Check out TheFlyLady, to help you with the housekeeping. It can be hard when you stay home with the kids. Also, pray with the kids. Prays and God Bless. :)

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 10:21 AM by Michele

  • Completely unrelated but this made me laugh as it's been one of those days. Thought someone else might need a laugh too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Gz0dvPZhaTU

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 3:07 PM by Jenny

  • Unknown, 4 and under is hard for Dads (at least it is in this house), but brighter days may be on the horizon. Is your guy and outdoors type? Ask him if the 4 year old can help him with yard work, you would be amazed how much a 4 year old can do. Does he like sports? He could play with the (maybe) 2 older ones a little? There is such a huge difference b/w 2 and 5, as far as what they can do and contribute to an activity. My husband has taken my older boys on hikes, to practice soccer, to cut down downed trees (especially post Sandy), but he would never do any of these things when they were babies. When they were babies, he liked to sit on the couch or in a hammock and nap with them on top of him - I mean he really felt like he was connecting with them through this, not just sneaking in a nap - can he do that? I am not excusing his not helping, but just giving you some hope that it all may start to change soon as they get older.

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 5:51 PM by Danielle M.

  • I totally agree with the above posters. I think Dad's typically have a really hard time connecting with "little" ones and at some point it is like someone turns on the light switch and Dad's start to participate!

    Posted on Mar 25th, 2013 at 8:12 PM by Lisa