Dear June, My husband is abusive, and I'm losing my faith

My husband is abusive, and I'm losing my faith

Enter your e-mail address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

By June O'Connor


I am losing my faith, feeling lost in my life of nonsense. I want to go forward, but I am always going back. Love for and from my husband has turned to suffering and destruction. I am looking, right now, at the broken mirror on the closet door — shattered by my husband, because I did not shut up when he felt I was supposed to. That is my price. I do not know who I am anymore and what my place in life is. I think it has been like this from the beginning, but I was blinded by my love. Where is my God?

- Lost in Cyberspace


Where is your God? Your God is present in the people who can help you move out of a destructive relationship and move forward into a wholesome life. God works through people, through nature, through communities of hope, and through our own basic common sense, your common sense.

You must reach out to a community in your region that is known for work regarding domestic violence, domestic abuse, shelter for abused women, and the like. People who staff and volunteer with these agencies have the expertise, the experience, and the compassion to advise and accompany you on your next steps to safety and self-determination.

You have taken an important first step by recognizing that you are married to a physically abusive man, that you have lost a clear sense of your own self, that this has been going on since the beginning of your marriage, that you are losing your faith, and that your initial love for your husband blinded you to his destructive ways for many years. But now you see more clearly. Congratulations on facing and voicing these truths! This is a critically important and necessary first step in moving forward.

Your letter also reflects a hesitation to take the second step of seeking help from a community in your area that can actually help you remove yourself from this situation. God works through people — and through your own awarenesses and desires — to bring change to your life. You must participate in this change, you must desire it and help make it happen. Remember this piece of wisdom:

I must be the change I want to see.


Your letter has shown a movement within you from confusion to clarity. This is a blessing. The next step is a movement from clarity to courage. Take that step by seeking the help you need, participating — with the help of others — in creating the change you long for. CD

Editor’s note: The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates answer questions, provide safety planning and information, and can directly connect callers to domestic violence resources in their local calling area. All calls to the hotline are anonymous. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233).

Ph.D June O'Connor

If you have a problem for Dr. June O’Connor, write to: Dear June, Catholic Digest, P.O. Box 6015, New London, CT 06320 or email her.