February funnies

Jokes and filler from the pages of Catholic Digest

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By Catholic Digest Staff

Rookie Romeo
A young man was looking for a Valetine card but was having difficultly deciding, so he asked the clerk for help. She directed him to a beautiful embossed Valentine card, explaining,  “It says, ‘To my one true love, the most beautiful woman in all the world,’ on the inside.”
The young man was thrilled. “That’s perfect!” he said. “That’s exactly the kind of heartfelt message I was looking for! I’ll take five.”

Love is…
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.


What if?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?


Permission slip required
After preaching about the kingdom of heaven, a pastor asked the congregation: “How many of you would like to go to heaven from here?”
Everybody raised their hands except a boy sitting just in front of him.
“Don’t you want to go to heaven, son?” the pastor inquired.
“Well,” said the boy fretfully, “my mother told me not to go anywhere from here but to come straight home after church.”


Check under the cushions
A crowd sat in a darkened cinema waiting for the film to start, but when the screen lit up there was no sound. The previews started, but the silence continued. Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice shouted, “OK, who's got the remote control?!”


Time to redecorate
A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven through the wall in the garage and into the living room. The teenager was uninjured but clearly in a state of shock.
“How on earth did you manage to do this?” his father demanded.
“I came in through the kitchen and turned left,” the boy replied.

Catholic Digest Staff