Members of Sgt. Mario Portillo's family wait anxiously on the tarmac. More than 15 of his family members were at the homecoming wearing custom-made red shirts bearing his picture and a welcome home message. (Photo courtesy of U.S. Marines / Lance Cpl. Frances L. Goch)   What if he or she just wants to be left alone? Not every returning service member will be eager to have a party or celebrate a ritual. Some will just want to be quiet or left alone for a while. Give them time and space, but don’t let them withdraw too far. It’s best to keep the normal pace and rhythm of life. Don’t be too quick to try and force the veteran to do something you think he/she should do. Respect your loved one’s wishes, but keep the doors of life open and be sure to make it clear you’re available to help.

exploding cars. And the feeling didn’t stop when he left Iraq. Even as he stood outside the airport in Hamburg, Germany, he felt a rising fear each time a car pulled up to the curb close to him.

Language of the Warrior
When a service member spends a long time in a combat zone with other service members, his or her language may change. It’s not just the military lingo. It’s the swear words that pepper the military conversation. Before long, when Sanchez gets home, words he does not intend will fall out of his mouth in front of his wife, his daughter, and his parents. They will embarrass him and off end the people he loves and who love him. It is going to be a struggle for him to bring his language back to the way it was before he went off to war.

At home with the war
Sanchez is coming home. He can live with his wife and daughter in the security of their little house. He can walk to the store without fear of attack or drive to see his parents without worrying about a roadside bomb going off along the way.

But it will be a long time before he will feel safe, before the constant terror of the last 18 months will fade. Th ere will be times when a sound or a movement will cause him to react in ways that may seem unusually harsh to those around him. He will say and do things that might be disturbing to those who have not gone where he has gone. And sometimes he will experience profound emotions, deep moods that will be hard for him to understand or control, feelings that rise from the soul of a good man who has seen the horror of comrades torn by violence, and who has participated in the killing of men.

Fortunately, Sanchez is blessed with a caring family and an understanding community. He knows about the lingering after effects of war from his military counselors. He will seek help and guidance from the Veterans Administration, and from his pastor. He’s a smart man and after a period of adjustment, he’ll do fine. Th e important thing for Sanchez is that he’s coming home. But for a while, home will be a strange place. CD

Father Paul Boudreau is a priest of the Diocese of Norwich, Connecticut, and serves as a priest minister at Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha Parish in Banning/Beaumont, California. He is a regular columnist for Today’s Parish Minister, a Bayard publication, and is coauthor, along with Alice Camille, of The Forgiveness Book (ACTA Publications).