Beth stood in the front hallway of the house smiling down at shy 10-year-old Tommy, who was half-hiding behind Eric, his dad. She stooped down and extended her arms. “It’s nice to meet you, Tommy,” she said. Th e boy stood still, staring at her with solemn eyes.
It wasn’t the best beginning for either of them. Two years before, Beth had suffered through her husband’s death and her daughter Pam’s painful and messy divorce. Not hearing from Pam very often was hard on Beth, so she was stunned one day when Pam called to announce she was getting remarried.
Beth flew across the country to the wedding, full of concern and anxiety. She knew nothing
about Eric except that he had a son, Tommy. Beth was about to be a step-grandparent. What would he call her? How would they get along? And now in that hallway as she looked into Tommy’s eyes, Beth’s heart went out to him. “The poor kid,” she told me years later. “He had no idea why all this was happening in his life, why his parents divorced, or who in the world I was suddenly appearing at his door. He and I were in the same mixed-up place.”
Beth made sure to find Tommy at the reception that afternoon. She asked him about sports and video games and told him about her house back in Maryland and the deer that came to eat her flowers. When Tommy smiled, Beth took him by the hand. “Tommy,” she said, “we’re family now. I’m already starting to love you, and I hope you’ll grow to love me.”
For the next 20 years, Beth did her best to stay close to Tommy. She visited as often as she could, wrote him stories and letters. Eventually he wrote back. And their relationship slowly grew.
Beth told me all this near the end of her life. I’d gone to visit her in the hospital, and she was radiant. When Tommy had heard she was ill, she said, he’d taken his vacation early and flown in from Phoenix to spend time with her. He reminded her of the wedding reception those many years ago. He took her hand and kissed her forehead and said, “We’re family, Grandma Beth. And yes, I’ve come to love you very much.”
Beth and Tommy are not alone. With blended families being so common, and with more than a third of all persons over 65 being step-grandparents these days, there are a lot of awkward beginnings that — with effort and love and God’s grace — can turn out to be something truly beautiful.
If you are a stepparent or step-grandparent, or know someone who is, please write and tell me about it at
Catholic Digest, P.O. Box 6015, New London, CT 06320 or e-mail me at
dconnors@catholicdigest.com.
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