continued from page 1 Get the facts on fibromyalgia Who is affected? Fibromyalgia affects as many as 1 in 50 Americans. Most people with fibromyalgia are women. However, men and children also can have the disorder. Most people are diagnosed during middle age. People with certain other diseases may be more likely to have fibromyalgia. These diseases include: rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and spinal arthritis. Women who have a family member with fibromyalgia may be more likely to have fibromyalgia themselves. How is it treated? Fibromyalgia can be hard to treat. It’s important to find a doctor who is familiar with the disorder and its treatment. A pain or rheumatology clinic can be a good place to get treatment. Pain medicines and antidepressants are often used in treatment. Is research is being done? Yes. Researchers are currently studying why people with fibromyalgia have increased sensitivity to pain; the role stress may play; medicines and behavioral treatments; and whether there is a gene or genes that make a person more likely to have fibromyalgia. - www.niams.nih.go

I started my visits to various doctors. My general practitioner tested me for a thyroid condition and Lyme disease. I went to a rheumatologist to be tested for rheumatoid arthritis. A neurologist tested me for multiple sclerosis. These were life-altering diseases! Each test result came back negative. While I should have been rejoicing, I instead became depressed and disappointed — I just wanted something tangible so that I could take a pill or something that would make it all disappear. I was consumed with pain and self-pity. To this day, I am not proud of my reactions; I know of women who spend weeks in bed from these life-threatening diseases. I was blessed with these results, yet all I carried was anger and self-pity. I was so wrapped up in trying to continue my role as Supermom that I did not even take note of my selfish disappointment.

Throughout all of this, I continued to pray. Every night I said prayers to God, to Jesus, to St. Jude, to my guardian angel, and to my patron saint, St. Elizabeth of Hungary. I would talk to Mary on my drive to work, asking her to bargain with God for me. Certainly she would understand that I could not be the mother God wanted me to be unless I fully had my health. If anyone understood the Supermom’s role, it was Mary, the greatest mother of all time.

The answers that I wanted did not come, and my frustration grew. Much like a child who gets angry at a parent when she does not get her way, I yelled and cried and screamed. At certain points, I did not attend church. I showed God. If God was not going to grant me my wish — and that is how I was now seeing Him, a genie — then, why should I worship in his house? I felt betrayed, alone and desperate.

During this time, I was masking my true feelings. I kept telling important people in my life that God put me on the journey for a reason. I convinced them that my faith was strong. I almost convinced myself, too, but the truth would be revealed in the loneliness of the night. It was then when the anger would pour out of me. My prayers were no longer those of faith, but of betrayal and admonishment.