Matt lay on the guest room bed and pounded on the mattress.
Please let me sleep! he pleaded with God. It was 5:30 a.m., four hours since the car alarm had awakened him, and three hours since he had retreated to the guest room to keep from disturbing his wife, Kate.
That night was no different from most others for Matt. He’d often wake up at night, and as he tried to drift off again, his mind would latch on to a terrifying worry:
He hadn’t had a chance to fix that loose clapboard.
What if water is getting in there and rotting the house right down to the sill? The house will collapse… His daughter Jen had been playing with the neighbor’s dog, which had just tangled with a raccoon.
What if the raccoon had been rabid and got some saliva on the dog? If Jen touched the saliva and got it in her mouth or eyes…Whatever the terrifying scenario, he’d lie there trying to convince himself how silly it was. But in seconds, his chest would tighten and his heart would pound. Fear would have him by the throat.
And every time in the darkness he would pray and plead for the safety of his family, for an end to these worries, and for a chance to sleep again. But there was no answer, no relief. “It was destroying me spiritually,” he told me recently. “I’d read about saints turning everything over to God. I felt that either God had abandoned me or I didn’t have faith. And getting help would be proof that my faith was too weak.”
One night the worry got so bad that Kate heard him thrashing and sobbing in the guest room and came to try to calm him down. “You’re not weak,” she said, putting her arms around him. “You need help.” And Matt, unable to keep living like this, finally agreed.
Over time, with professional help, Matt finally started sleeping better. “I still worry,” he told me, “but the worry is more in proportion to reality.” And as he gets better, he’s come to see getting help as an answer to his prayer instead of a sign of its failure.
We all worry. Some worry is good for us. But worry can also take control, and when it does, it can harm us and our relationships with friends and family — and with God. That’s why in this issue we present some features on keeping a healthy balance in our worry.
How do you deal with excessive worry in your life? How does prayer help you keep things in balance? Write to me at
Catholic Digest, P.O. Box 6015, New London, CT 06320 or e-mail me at
dconnors@catholicdigest.com.
CD
